The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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