im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
