just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
