i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
