Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
