I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
