btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize