i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
