I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
