So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
