She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
