good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
