how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
