then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
