I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
