You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
