so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
