I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I came so hard my ears popped.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
