Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
