the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
