I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
