Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
