Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize