thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
