Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
