can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
