When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
