he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
