Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
