So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
