We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
