I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
