He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
