New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
