I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
