I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
