I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
