In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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