at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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