meet me or not, i'm out of control
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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