brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize