Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
