so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
