dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
