omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
