i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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