You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
