just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
