if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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