he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
