I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
