i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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