so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
