I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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