If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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