"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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