Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
