Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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