Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
