I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
