I'm eating all of the evidence.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
