You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
