Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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