i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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